Goodbye, Everything
By DannyGoodShirt
Prompt: Anniversary
My name is Mimi Champloo, I died ten years ago.
They never quit looking.
Ever since, my family kept my seat open as if I would return.
They don’t know it, but I have returned. Sitting at the seat they kept for me.
Across from me is my older brother, Ray, people call him Detective Rain. The other detectives joke that it rains whenever he shows up to a crime scene, so the evidence is washed away. I see my ten-year-long cold case has aged him twenty. Mother hugs him. “Eat. Please. Mimi would want you to eat.” No response, only a nod.
My parents serve Udon Noodles and Lemon Cake, because those are my favorites. I wish I could have some. Especially the lemon cake.
I haven’t aged in ten years, so I still look like a 15 year old girl. Black hair and uneven bangs I cut myself, a yellow cardigan I always wore, even in the summer, and a chipped hairclip I stole from a store when I was 10.
This anniversary is for me, and I didn’t even dress up.
I swing my legs under the table attempting to kick my brother. He doesn’t budge.
The shop smells like a rich, spicy ramen broth. My Uncle Chu spilled his whiskey at the front, I swear he drinks way too much. Dad mutters under his breath as he wipes up the mess. He doesn’t blame my brother, but he grows more sad everyday.
Mother smiles through everything, always finding a way to bring happiness wherever she goes. Through her tired eyes—-and the zillionth person to tell her, “She was too young.” I wish people would stop saying that.
The lights at the noodle shop are dim. Matured faces of people I knew here to pay their respects. My Music Teacher, Mr. Tanaka always told my parents I would be a famous musician one day. He was cool, into heavy-metal bands my mom didn’t care for, but was kind and I learned a lot from him. He has grey hair now like an old man.
Mr. Tanaka stares at my memorial photo with teary eyes. Then he approaches Ray, speaking like his heart was heavy. “Ray.”
Ray doesn’t look up from the lemon on his cake like they will give him a clue.
“I was cleaning out the old AV closet this past semester and found a tape Mimi left in my class. She said it was a joke back then, so I didn’t think much about it. When I found it I listened to it… over and over again.”
“I haven’t slept since.”
“She called it “Goodbye, My Secret Love.”
Ray finally glances up with bloodshot eyes. “Are you saying you think she…”
“No. I’m not saying anything.” Mr. Tanaka says. “And I deeply apologize that I didn’t share this with you earlier.”
My brother tenses up. “She was murdered.”
“Ray…”
“Mimi wouldn’t do that. My little sister smiled every day. She made us laugh every day.” His voice cracked.
Mr. Tanaka walks away. My brother is too stubborn to even ask to hear the song.
Sitting at a table is Ren, my ex-best friend who told people I stuffed my bra. She brought Sunflowers, my favorite, so I guess we’re cool now. She was always my prettiest friend. Ren grew into her beauty. Wait… Is that a man she’s with? Ren has a husband!? I wish I could get married. No, I wish I could eat that Lemon Cake. Yum.
One time in High School I went with Ren to a concert. The band was pretty good, all older guys. They all had a crush on her so they let us in for free. Then they were super creepy after their show, inviting us to smoke and drink in their van. We didn’t even do that stuff. So we left. Idiots.
Speaking of idiots, Uncle Chu is starting a fight with Mr. Tanaka.
“What do ya mean, sui-cide!? Ima rip your freakin’ face off!” Uncle Chu embarrasses himself once again.
While the disgraceful uncle continues, I attempt to connect with my brother again. I reach out to grab his hand, and he doesn’t notice me. I just want to tell him the truth.
That’s when a tall broad man, dressed in a black suit walks into the shop. Mother smiles at him like she smiles at everyone who enters the shop. His fitted clothes cover up tattoos. His dark hair slicked back. He hides a scar beneath his black shades. He looks out of place, but remains unbothered standing with purpose. He has the stare of someone who just left prison.
I feel heavy. I can’t move. I’m ice-cold. Nervous. Scared. I’ve lost focus.
The man walks straight to my memorial shrine. He dropped to his knees and prayed. A single tear streaming from under his shades and down his cheek. I notice my brother glaring at him.
The man’s name is Kino, my first and only love. We kept it a secret, because we come from different places. I was a valedictorian, who was ready for college, and he was a delinquent, from a family of Yakuza. He promised me he would leave that life behind. Not to sound judgy, but I can tell he broke that promise.
I wish I could talk to him. I want him to know I never meant to leave him.
My brother approached Kino. “We’re closed.”
Kino doesn’t move. He doesn’t express anything at all besides that tear drop.
My brother’s suspicion and desperate need to find answers comes out in a rage fit. He grabs Kino by his suit and picks him up off the floor.
“Listen man, who the hell are you!? And why are you here?” Kino doesn’t give Ray a response. He was the same way when we were kids—-If Kino felt he needed to do something, he would do it, regardless of what others thought.
Ray pushes Kino toward the entrance door. He pulls the collar of his suit tightly trying to control him. As soon as Ray feels in control of the situation, Kino tosses him over his hip.
Kino draws a handgun from his pants.
What is he doing? Why would he do this?
All of a sudden, every emotion poured out of Kino at once. Like he bottled everything inside for the last 10 years. His eyes are streaming tears, jaw clenched, and his hand squeezing the gun so tight his arm shakes. He cackles almost lunatic-like. Did he plan this, or was it my brother's push that set him off?
“You goddamn pig! You goddamn bastard! You act so dedicated to solving a crime that never happened… The only crime that occurred was you not being there for your sister.”
What is Kino raging about? Does he really think my family is responsible? No, it shouldn’t be this way…
“All of you assholes are guilty… She only hid us from you because she feared your judgement… She valued your opinion so much… She thought it was easier to take her own life. You don’t even realize what you did.”
No, it wasn’t their fault. Kino, you don’t have to blame them.
Ray waves his hands in front of him. “Hey man, we don’t even know you. Please, just leave!”
Kino drops photos on the front desk in front of my parents. They are wailing. I regret making them cry so much.
The photos are of Kino and I. We were both 15. This was the day before I died.
My parents sob over the photos. In one photo, we’re kissing under a streetlight. In another, we’re sitting under mountains, looking at the sunset. It’s beautiful. I was smiling, but I didn’t mean it. Not because I didn’t love him, but because I had something dark growing inside of me. I don’t know what it was. I don’t know where it came from. But as time went on, it grew louder, and darker.
Before that photo was taken, I asked Kino what he thought about death. He said, everyone dies when it’s their time. He said it wasn’t my time.
Ray glances over the photos. His hands tremble. “So, she kept you from us? What does this prove?”
Dad pats Ray on the shoulder. He doesn’t say anything.
“She was killed…” He grinds his teeth. “Did you kill her? You bastard…”
"Everyone knows only you call it a cold-case! The police called it a suicide right away. They only leave the case open because they feel bad for you." The room reacts like Kino is saying something nobody would dare to say.
Kino points his gun at himself. Kino!? What are you doing?
“I did ten years inside. When I got out I heard about Mimi's anniversary. Celebration of her life. I just think it’s funny, because only I knew the life she wanted to live.
But in the end, I grew up to be a real asshole. She would hate me if she saw who I became.”
I don’t hate you, Kino. You’re just stubborn like my brother! You’re both so convinced you know everything! Maybe my pain was mine. Maybe what I felt had nothing to do with you!
“I broke every promise I made to her. I wandered down the Yakuza path, just like my old man. I’m fucked! I still believe you're to blame. I even planned on shooting all of you today… But she loved you so much. What can I do? Can I betray her once more? Or just point the trigger and join her in the afterlife?”
I leap from the seat so gracefully kept for me. I reach out toward Kino to disarm him. As a result, I tumbled to the ground. Kino fell too.
Thump.
Wait. Did I knock it out of his hand? Or… Did I get through to him?
Kino stares at me with wide frightened eyes. I feel him looking at me. He knows I’m here.
He exhales before standing up.
“I’m sorry… for everything.” He turns away trying to make an exit.
“You can’t just pull this shit and leave!” My brother is pissed.
“Wait—-everyone, stop!” Mr. Tanaka re-enters the shop. He’s holding a cheap 3 track recorder with some equipment. Wait, is that my song? How embarrassing!
Everyone in the shop is quiet. You can hear people's hearts racing as Mr. Tanaka hooks the recorder to a speaker.
“Everyone here should hear this.”
He presses play.
My face is flushed red. I’m so embarrassed. I feel like an idiot.
“My name is Mimi Champloo, and this song is called “Goodbye, Everything”
My guitar sounds out of tune. Ugh, this is so gross. What was I thinking? To be honest, I was too depressed to even care about tuning my guitar correctly. Or maybe I just wasn’t very good.
The singing kicked in and I really wish I was dead. Oh wait.
“You’re a bowl of sunshine, so they say
Always smiling, that’s what they see
All I show is happy little me
I don’t wanna hide me anymore
I wanna be free
There’s a darkness growing deep inside
I can’t scrub it off; no matter how hard I try
Sayonara, my secret love
Goodbye, Everything”
The song goes on, and on. I cringe, and my parents weep.
My brother crosses his arms, angrier than ever.
I repeat the line “Sayonara, my secret love. Goodbye, Everything” and Kina crumbles as well.
Mr. Tanaka stands tall and shouts. “Come on, sing with her. Sing with Mimi!”
Once the pre-chorus hits. Everyone sang along.
“There’s a darkness growing deep within
I can’t shake
Sayonara, my secret love
Goodbye, everything”
Together, the room is full of my sad song. I sing with them. Even though no one can hear me.
Mr. Tanaka, Kino, my parents, and even Uncle Chu all look directly at me as we sing together.
My brother stomps off. Dad tries to pull Ray back in.
“Ray! Where are you going?”
“Back to work. I will find the murderer!” He slams the door on his way out.
Brother. I’m trying to tell you, but you won’t listen.
The voices echo through the shop. I watch my brother leave alone again. I understand now, not just my actions but the hole they left behind.
I thought I had ended my pain, but I passed it on to those who love me.
I think sometimes it’s not up to you how your actions are interpreted by others, sometimes it’s only up to them.
I don’t know if they will ever understand me, and they might not have to.
Maybe I don’t need them to forgive me.
All I know is that I forgive them
I forgive myself.
Maybe I will sit here just a little while longer.
At least until the cake is gone.
Art by 
